Reaching New Heights

REACHING NEW HEIGHTS

By: Dalia Fabius

“You can’t, it’s not possible, look at you!” Smash. Is what they do to my dreams. Their voices, used to inflict my fears. They look at me, and I’m automatically written of as incapable. I see the laughter in their eyes, every time I pick up a ball, and so, I put it back down. Every dream is placed back down with that ball. Maybe one day I’ll walk. Then again, what’s the point of “maybe,” the doctor already told me. “Malachi.” He said. “For as long as you live you will never be able to walk, but don’t worry that won’t be a long time…” He thought I didn’t hear it… He thought I didn’t hear it when he told my mom, “Your son may not even see the age of 15, yet he thinks he can play basketball. Wow! Hilarious!” But… I did. I heard her scream, I saw him walk away. He walked away as though he had just told her; I’ll be taking a trip to the supermarket soon. Like the end of my life had no meaning, like it wasn’t my world crumbling to pieces. But…it was. Today is my fourteenth birthday, and as I blow on each candle, I know that I may never see another year, breathe another breath, or watch another candle light up on my birthday cake. As I blow on these candles, all I want to do is slit my wrist and end my life. What’s the point of breathing if I can’t live? If I can only watch through these eyes, what I can never do with these legs.

“Make a wish… 3 wishes.” I closed my eyes, to talk to God. I wish I could walk. I wish I could play Basketball. I wish mom would smile.

No one’s home today…it’s just me and my wheelchair. I roll myself outside, and this guy throws me a basket ball, and laughs. “You’re my entertainment” he says…then he goes away. Goes on with his day, just like they all do after they finish ruining mine. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve this. I was born to live on my knees. Born to stand among men who knew nothing more than to deepen the pain that already burdens me. Where’s this God they speak of when you need Him, he seems to always come a moment too late. In my case, he doesn’t come at all…if he loved me at all; I’d have what all men have…two functioning legs. He showed me exactly how he felt about me when he just left me here, unable to even run if I needed to. I don’t need God…I don’t need anyone.

“Malachi, honey, I’m home…” I don’t care. I wish no one was ever home, that I could just be left alone. Left to die in peace. Here I am, wishing again…thought I learned my lesson right. I didn’t. I never plan to. Some part of me will always wish, because though most days I feel like dying, some days wishing is the only thing that keeps me alive.

“I got you tickets to the basketball game; I know you want to see it.” I put on my best smile and thanked her with as much gratitude as I could muster. She tries. But, she’ll never understand, that it hurts so much more to see people play, then never seeing them at all. I don’t want to watch. I want to play… But…I can’t. I’m incapable.

Beams of light are flooding my bedroom. I’ve never seen the sunshine so brightly, it’s like… it’s radiating right through me. Even though I want to be sad today, it’s just not possible. Today’s a different day. A good day.

“Chi, you ready?” I nodded and smiled. She smiled back, and I was in awe. I don’t recall ever seeing my mom smile before today. It made me happy to see her happy. I’m now grateful, seeing my mom smile…If I die today; I’ll know that one of my wishes came true. Even though God doesn’t love me, maybe he likes me. Maybe.

Oh My God! I’m sitting on the court…I didn’t think that was possible. “I love you mom. Thank you.” For some reason, watching seems to satisfy me today. Maybe, because it’s live and not just on my T. V screen. No. It’s more than that…it’s because I’m happy. I’m finally happy. And I have no idea why.

4^th quarter. It’s a tie. One more minute and the Lakers will win. It’s their ball. Just one more shot. Wait a minute…why are they stopping?! What’s going on?! Why is he handing me the ball?!… “Go ahead kid, shoot the ball, win it for us.” “What?... Me!” “Yea, you… You can do it! ... C’mon, just reach, and do it.” He pulled my arms as my hands held the ball above my head, he moved me to the middle of the court. Reach, just reach. And I did it. The Winning Shot. That was me.

White lights… It’s so bright in here… What am I doing here? Why am I here? God, is that you? Am I dead? Last I saw, a ball I shot went in the basket…and now here I am. Am I dreaming? Was I dreaming when I made that shot? Reach, just reach. I opened my eyes, a doctor I had never seen before, looked at me with tears in his eyes, and a smile on his face. He said to me. “Welcome back son, you’re a miracle. When you reached, and shot that ball in the basket, you fell, I don’t know and will never understand what happened but…something happened within you…”

“ You can walk.”

“This was me then…now… my name is Malachi Wright, I am the Lakers’ M.V.P., and it’s a pleasure to meet you.”